You are Enough

What is your coping mechanism when dealing with stress? How does it help you feel better? Is it sustainable?

The loneliness during the pregnancy and postpartum phase creates the need for mothers like me to ask for validation on several occasions.

“You’re such a perfect mom.”

“Your baby is growing so well, thanks to you!”

”You look amazing for a mom”

“How do you do it all?!”

I am craving for these comments and recently noticed myself almost bragging on how I am doing so much and staying busy. During a mental breakdown last month, I can confirm that I am not doing it all.

It was not until this week that I started walking outside on a daily basis with my baby. I was mostly stuck at home and have not done anything for myself, including skincare and long showers until I needed it. I gave up my whole identity to being a mother and I am sure that some moms is going through this phase. It comes and goes.

I want to do it all. I want to be able to cook all meals, do the laundry, play with my baby, go for walks, do my skincare and haircare, play with my dog, read my book, write these articles, and catch up with my family and friends. The perfection was killing me.

I used to be a gal who lets things be, who does not like to force or control things, and who finds her flow with ease and full of abundance. Nothing to lose.

Now, I find myself with so much scarcity and wanting to be everything. I did not think giving birth would affect my sense of security. Somehow I felt like I have downgraded because I am out of the market, out of the game. Then I realized it is probably because I don’t have much friends who are mothers. I am in a different plane and frequency now that I need to seek a new connection.

Social media used to be a place for me to connect with my family and friends. I honestly just used to post on them and not worry about how other people’s lives are doing. Now I find myself scrolling through my feed and wanting to live their lives – to travel, to get a promotion, to socialize, to explore new spots, and to start projects.

They say, if you don’t like something there are 3 things you can do: (1) accept the situation, (2) change the situation, or (3) leave. I have not decided which I will do since (1) accepting it means I will stay on all socials and post while accepting that my life is not the same anymore and at the same time, it is as beautiful in a different way, (2) change which socials I engage and post in so my interactions are limited and filtered to what serves my soul at this point of my life, or (3) leave all socials completely and focus on low-key personal projects like this blog and my YT content to channel all my energy in sharing my experience in creative pursuits.

I will continue to reflect on these options and assess what I genuinely need to do to help myself. Maybe it’s none of those options? Maybe it’s a mix of all those options? How can I rise from this occasion of so much scarcity?

They say awareness is the first step so I have to give myself credit that my eyes are open and I am open to receive new blessings and learnings. I will be taking the high road because I need a sustainable solution that can keep me grounded as life continues to take over.

This is a huge reset and test to how I can return to that state of abundance. A gentle reminder that there is no rush in getting there – as with all moms, we have better things to do like care for our little ones and nurture our homes. We can get lost being mentally overloaded with how much work is needed.

For those who have family and friends who just went through pregnancy, these are the words that we new and old moms (maybe) need to hear:

“You are doing the best that you could do, that’s enough.”

“Your baby loves you just the way you are.”

“You are beautiful and enough.”

“You are loved and wanted.”

“Please elaborate. I want to understand. I want to be here for you.”

As for validating my own worth, that is a personal path that each mom has to go through. I know that it is a wide road from here on out so I am hopeful. I am reminding myself that I do not need validation from others as much as I need it from myself.

This is a reminder that I am enough. You, momma, are enough.